excited

so, thanksgiving break is over.  i had a WONDERFUL week visiting family and friends up in new york.  it was almost completely perfect.  i had a great time spending time with my mom, and even got some alone time with her, the first in years.  now i’m beginning to get excited for christmas though.  while things here in morgantown certainly have me stressed out….finals are coming up, and i know that my classes just aren’t doing well.  no matter how hard i try and even the classes i KNOW that i know the material in, i just can’t quite seem to grasp anything and when the time comes for it to matter (exam time) it all just blows away with a gentle breeze.  so even though i try to concentrate hard on my work, it seems like it’s all futile because i never seem to get anywhere with it.  but that’s all going to change, i can feel it in the air.  i will get a month off for christmas, and while i certainly don’t have a fortune to go home on, i will be going home.  HOME. it seems surreal to me that i will be back in wisconsin again.  and while i’m very excited there are also some things that hold me back from being completely content.

seeing my ex again is one major thing taking away from my joy of going home.  while it’s been several months since he and i were together, and i’ve seen him face to face…i can’t say as though i’m ready to see him again.  not that i’m afraid i’m going to fall apart, but i’ve finally become happy and i can’t say as though i want to dredge up my past, because yes, he is my past.  i know i need to focus on my future and figure my stuff out, without him.  i’m certainly not saying that it means we’ll never talk and whatnot, but for the most part, he isn’t a part of my life anymore, he’s chosen a path that does not coincide with mine, and i am determined to make it on my own.

as for one of the things i’m definitely excited for is something my friend april set up for me.  not only does she want to take me out for my birthday and cook me dinner while i’m home.  but she has done a wonderful thing for me, and while i would love to be able to gush about it, for right now, i need to keep it to myself until i see where that path leads me….

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