a new start…

so the new year is officially upon us, and it’s time for a new start.  this year i have a few new years resolutions.  first and foremost, i’m done dating losers.  not that i’ve dated a lot in my lifetime, actually, only one.  but i will no longer waste my time dating someone who doesn’t deserve me.  i have a bright future, and bright prospects ahead of me, and i’m concentrating on those.  secondly, i’m going to try harder this semester.  i have friends in west virginia now, i will no longer be plugging away at classes i don’t care about, i will be organized and focused.  thirdly, i vow to be more independent.  while i am very independent now, i like having my own space, and i don’t intend to give it up.  while i love my family, they are the most important thing in my life, i’ve also grown more….distant?  i don’t really think that’s the right word…i love having them around and i enjoy spending time with them, but i make my own decisions now, it’s my life to lead, and i’m really beginning to enjoy that.  to be honest, i’m a lot more private about most things than i used to be.  i enjoy having things to myself, not sharing them.  not that i don’t trust anyone anymore, it’s just nice to be able to have some things in my life for just me, and no one else sometimes.

mainly though, i’m looking ahead to the future.  my past has been a painful, broken road and i’m not going to dwell on it.  in the past few years i’ve had so much going on, it’s time to move on.  one particular prospect is very bright, and i’m excited.  i’ve had a hard time moving on from a certain situation, and then this person stepped in.  i never imagined someone could come into my life and pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, but that’s exactly what he’s doing.  piece by piece he’s putting it back together for me, and while i know he’s doing it so that he can hand my heart back to me, so i don’t have it shattered again, there’s part of me that’s beginning to wonder if i won’t let him hold onto it once he’s done.  to be honest i am a little scared.  the last time i entrusted someone with my heart, they didn’t care enough to keep it intact….and to now have someone who cares, frightens me.  i’m not used to it anymore.  it’s been over 2 years since i’ve been with someone who cared about whether my heart got broken, so i’m definitely out of practice with this one!  who knows what the future might hold for me!!

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