Oh 3 am, how I love and loath thee all at the same time. Insomnia has become a major part of my life over the past 7 years, it has become something I know all too intimately. I have tried many things to help be able to fall asleep at a normal time like other humans, sleep aids, cold medicine, laying in my bed with all the lights off staring at blackness of my ceiling and yet nothing ever seems to work. Some nights are worse than others, like tonight. I can usually tell when a night is leading to sleeplessness, and I knew after I got out of work that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep before 3.
There are aspects of insomnia that I like, such as the quiet stillness of the night. I love not being bothered and the dark but I also love my sleep. Slowly over the ears, my insomnia has gotten worse. I used to be able to fall asleep at 3 and be awake by 8 without being exhausted. Last night I actually fell asleep early for me (1 am) and slept until 12:30 today and was still exhausted. I’ve grown weary of fighting this never-ending battle because I always seem to lose and the few victories I have are short-lived. I’d love a night I could be asleep by 10 and up by 8. The likelihood of that happening in the next few years is very slim though as I don’t see this fight ending anytime soon. Me and sleep are in a fight and I’m losing…horrendously, so hello 3 am, it’s nice to see you. Again.